Fuck Canon - and all the fucking retarded management and employees
I originally titled this post:
"This is what I mean about corporate retards... nothing is just fucking simple, and the place is full of idiots."
But I have decided to focus it...
"Fuck Canon - and all the fucking retarded management and employees"
Because I have had SO many big fights with them and the STUPID fucking bullshit just goes on and on and on and on...
I have been fighting like cats and dogs with them for the last 23 years....
And for the most part, they have been lying, buck passing, fucking things up - and doing nothing about fixing them, and ripping people off big time on consumables - in exchange for a bunch of losers who say, "Oh.. it's not my job." kind of bullshit at you.
And the last bit of "Go fuck yourself" lame brain bullshit they served up was the last straw...
I'll highlight the issue with *** and add some meat mincing verbage to it....
But here is my original article - about really fucking stupid people giving really shitty service...
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One bunch of fucking retards I particularly hate having to deal with is the people in Canon - just full of incompetent, indifferent and particularly stupid people.
Their products are good though.
But their marketing / customer service - is crap.
OK I got into computers kind of early - into the school system's computers about 10 or 12 years, before the days when the 486's were first on the market....
And then I got my first PC - a 486. Mmmmm awesome.
The ONLY barely affordable printers were the Canon 250????? black and white bubble jet printers, and the fuckers wanted $50 - $70 for a combination 15 or 20ml black ink tank and print head.
That is $50 - $70 tank price - about 23 years ago....
So I figured out ways and means to refill the tanks, and typically I averaged about 9 refills before the print head mechanically wore out and or began blocking up.
A few started going from about 6 refills onwards and some lasted to about 11 or 12 refills.
And the shitheads at Canon in Australia, said, "Oh you could void your warranty if you refill them..."
Well NOT true.... They were lying to me. It's like saying, "Unless you use our detergent in our washing machine, you void your washing machines warranty" - and to be sure there ARE some shitty ink suppliers - but they only supply and distribute their crap ONCE....
And for the larger part, most after market ink suppliers provide a great product.
And if I can buy 10 tanks, and refill each one for say $5, about 10 times, that is 100 refills, for $500 the refills, and another $600 for the 10 replacement print head / tanks. OK
Now if I go and buy 100 new ink tanks, at the stunning Canon RRP of say $60 each, well that comes to $6000.....
And I think each ink tank / print head, held about 20ml of ink...
That is essentially either $1100 for 10 print heads and 2000ml of ink and 100 refills, or $6600 for 100 print heads and 2000ml of ink...
So that keeps $5500 in my pocket.
So with each ink tank / print head - the purchase of 10 of them, AND the 100 refills, well if each 20ml of ink can print like 1000 pages of plain text @ 5% coverage, that is something like 110 fills x 1000 pages = 110,000 pages printed, divided by $1100 - it comes to 0.01c per page.
Doing it the Canon way, by essentially buying 110 ink tanks / print heads @ $6600 divided by 110 ink tanks / print heads to print 110,000 pages - it comes to 0.06c per page....
(My maths is up shit creek - my mind is going....)
Not including the cost of refilling - your own time, but with the printing costs alone, being 1/6th of that by buying cartridges - doing it the Canon corporate way, terminally sucks.
And assuming the printers died like flies, well for the price of 10 ink tank / print heads - and the 100 refills and what I was able to keep in my pocket, for $4900 -I can buy around 20 printers - so like who gives a fuck about their bullshit lies about the warranty?
Either way I cottoned onto the fact that fuck everything anyone ever said at Canon, in Australia, and refill anyway and save myself a shit load on expenses.
I am up $4900 and they are down on the sale of 90 print heads.
Any way, once I had cottoned onto the economies of DIY refills, and having become an expert on refilling my own cartridges, I stuck with the Canon brand.
I think that this was also influenced by the likes of the shit heads who ran ???? Epsom (USA corporation), who installed counter chips in the ink tanks / print heads, so that the essentially "good" (working) print heads, could only be used once, so that people had to buy new ink tanks / print heads....
Then the market bought out chip resetting tools...
The next major investment was the legendary i550 printer....
Full colour - and in black only print, it could churn out staggering amounts of printing at 20 pages per minute, at something like 1200 or 2000 pages of text per refill because it had 25ml tanks - and for the obsessive compulsive scraping the bottom off the barrel to get by people - the MS Line Draw font, in fine / light ink use / draft - uses the least ink of all the fonts.
AND by buying my ink in litre bottles, it was costing me about $2 or $3 to refill the black ink tank.
The other three colours - were about the same per tank.
But the printer had separate ink tanks, from the print head, that the after market manufacturers soon brought out their own ink tanks, and so the cost of the ink tanks, fell too.
So I was refilling very cheaply, non OEM ink tanks, that also were very cheap.
But the fucking print heads physically wore out, both by blocking and erosion, and they were a separate and replaceable item, but they were so outrageously expensive.....
This is a long time ago, I think the new printer was like $450 and the print heads were like $360 each.....
And printers can be coaxed into advancing old age, by lubing their slides with teflon style bicycle chain lube and keeping the dust out of them by storing them under a trimmed down plastic garbage bag.....
You can keep them running for decades...
But you cannot get around the physical issue of the print heads wearing out.
The bores of the nozzles - are shooting out millions of shots of water, ammonia, pigment, like ultra fast machine guns, and I think, that as the bores widen, the ink begins to spatter, and the amount ejected out, lowers, thus the ink rate that flows through the nozzles - that is designed to cool the piezo electric mechanism, that causes the ink to boil and shoot out, begins to cake with pigment, and the piezo mechanisim heats up and up and up, until it probably fails, and the ink cooks in the bore, until it no longer flows...
There comes a progressively increasing amount of wear in the bores, where a periodic cleaning with AMMONIA containing Windex, no longer works, or the results - the printing just gets fainter and more spotty anyway...
The as the nozzles begin to progressively block up / wear out / and shut down the printer gets to the point that shitty printing quality aside, it no longer can be made to print, and cleaning is no longer effective.
So your stuck - A perfectly good printer, that with being kept clean under a trimmed down garbage bag, and regular lubing, could probably last - as least for text printing, through another 4 or 5 print heads.....
With about 20 or 30 sets of NON OEM ink tanks, and about 10 or so refills per tank, when the ink is bought by the litre or half litre - I was able to do absolutely astronomical amounts of printing for fuck all - before the print heads mechanically failed.
So the OEM supplier in Australia, charged super high prices for the replacement print heads, and they being the corporate arseholes they were, they would not budge on the price either....
One of the things I did for the lazy shit heads in Canon - Australia was find out that their website looped - in terms of finding suppliers of Canon parts, by location - city, state, post code etc.. and the IDIOTS who had set the site up, returned NO search terms when entire cities / post codes were entered, but the phone books etc., show up lists of official Canon repair centres / parts suppliers.
The Canon printer parts suppliers - using the post code of Melbourne - 3000 - and only one supplier within a 100Km radius - in a city of 3 or 4 million people.
Yeah fucking sure - idiots.
After spending like 3 days unpaid work on this whole shitty fiasco of the Canon website being totally up shit creek, and much tooing and froeing, I finally got onto some fuckhole - who in his bigness of it all, decided that giving me $5 off the RRP for two Canon i550 print heads, was a great deal, instead of giving them to me for nothing....
In light of all the losses they were making due to the website - I thought that was only fair.
9 months later, they had done fucking NOTHING about fixing up the this major series of combined defects in the website...
LOL
Canon is a company, run by corporate morons, and staffed by corporate morons.
Right through to the very top.
I have contacted them all - and they are idiots.
So I ended up with a second i550 printer, because I had like litre bottles of inks etc.. and stacks of spare cartridges...
But this print head too, wore out eventually.
In transitioning from around the year 2000 +, through to 2010 - 2012 or so I guess...
I had two good printers, no print heads and an OEM supplier who I thought were a pack of cunts.
So I fished around for some spares and spare printers.... and ended up with some apparently working ones from Ebay and the like.
But the funny thing is that people do not send paper letters in the mail anymore, via the post.
And because I never print out and send HUGE volumes of documents to anyone, anymore, I cannot see any good reasons for actually keeping these old printers.
If you don't use ink jets regularly, the seals around the print head parking area, do not actually seal in a permanent hermetic sense, and so the print heads will dry out with ink still in them and block up...
I have also picked up a very basic black and white cheapy laser printer, that I can refill 14 x 1000 page loads of toner, for $39, and I think in the last 2 years I might have printed like 120 paqes of diagrams, instructions etc., and I have actually mailed like 2 letters in 3 years.
And I think the same can be said for the population in general.....
People don't want ink jet printers, for letters and stuff, because no one ever sends letters.
I think unless it's for storage of documents or posters or notices on notice boards, etc., that the great boon of home office printing capacity, is actually over.
Everything is to PDF and email.
And laser printers - do not dry out, so if you keep them under a trimmed plastic rubbish bag, to keep the dust off them and out of them, they should be able to be parked - ready to use with NO fucking around like ink jet printers - for years.
So I have NO legitimate reason or purpose, for buying new parts for the printers, and if I did get them back into service, there would be no point to them, and they would just dry out and block up...
And if I put them on the market as is, there apparently is NONE left to buy even second hand, and the only print heads available, are the last of the refurbished ones..
But these printers, less the print heads, are too good to throw out.....
So I thought I would make ONE last inquiry of the retards in Canon - who I unequivocably despise.
And this is where we get into that fucking corporate moron bullshit...
You can't just send them an inquiry
Hi are the parts still available etc.. and an emial address.
Noooooo you MUST fill out like 12 compulsory fields - on a web page, just to send them a single line of inquiry...
WHY???????
Fuck, you know.
And then the retard who replies, doesn't say YES or NO, the parts are available or not, where to get them and how much - Nooooo - they come out with 20 lines of bullshit and then say, "Contact this dept.
Hello retarded fuck hole.
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The inquiry page:
Choose from the links below to find contact information for support, service, and product inquiries.
Office Equipment
- Sales & General Inquiries
- Support & Drivers
- Where To Buy
Sales & General Inquiries
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> User Question: I want to to buy some new print heads for an i550 printer.
>
> Can you supply them?
~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Canon Customer,
Good morning and thank you for contacting Canon product support. I understand you are inquiring about purchasing a print head for your i550. I will be more than happy to help.
If you feel comfortable manually repairing the unit yourself, you can order parts from our Jamesburg Parts Order Center. Bear in mind that, due to liability issues, we are unable to provide you instructions on how to conduct repairs. If you purchase a part, you assume the responsibility of replacing it. Also note that spare parts sold through the Parts Order Center do not come supplied with installation or set up instructions.
For the price and availability of parts, please contact the Parts Order Center below and select the appropriate prompts for ordering parts:
Canon Factory Service Center
100 Ridge Road
Jamesburg, NJ 08831
Phone: (866) 481-2569
Business hours: 9 AM to 7 PM (ET) Monday to Friday
I hope this information is helpful to you. Please let us know if we can be of any further assistance.
Thank you for choosing Canon.
Sincerely,
Shit for Brains
Technical Support Representative
Email is not a secure form of communication. Please do not send us your credit card number or other personal or financial account information via email.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The question is "Are the Print heads, still available?"
Yes or no?
Not who do I contact to find out.....
And
a) the fact that you have failed to EITHER provide me with this information; or
b) to have forwarded my inquiry onto them; or
c) to have at least supplied me with their email address -
Is pretty fucking piss poor.
Regards
Irate Inquirer....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Being the spiteful cunt that I am....
Well not really - just SO fucking fed up with retards working in brain dead corporations....
I sent them the link to this page.....
No reply, no response, nuffin!
But about a week later... they sent me an email with an invitation to do a customer satisfaction survey in it..
Serious, apparently calling them a bunch of useless retarded cunts, just didn't carry enough weight in terms of clarifying the issue.
***Here it is.
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Dear Fuck Face:
At Canon U.S.A., Inc., customer service is our number-one priority. We take great pride in providing you with the best service possible and strive to make your Canon ownership experience enjoyable.
Please take a few minutes to complete a brief online survey and tell us about your experience when you emailed our Technical Support Center on 09/21/2015 regarding your Canon product.
To access the survey, click on the link below or copy and paste the address into your browser.
https://www.customersat3.com/e.asp?IID=B060848003F21A1A83GA6DC64C97A134
Thank you for your feedback and for being a valued Canon customer.
Sincerely,
Service & Support
Canon U.S.A., Inc.
Please do not reply to this email unless you are having difficulties completing the survey.
If you need further technical assistance, contact Canon at (877) 287-7032.
-------- IMPORTANT NOTES ---------
* See Canon's Privacy Statement for more information.
* If you prefer not to receive survey invitations, please click here to opt out.
© 2015 Canon U.S.A., Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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***The fucking denseness that comes with.....
I guess that is why I hate stupid people - as a default setting, and why I hate having to deal with them....
Impossibly idiotic.
You see I live in fucking Australia, so getting "just a Merkin phone fucking number" - and for international people - a partial phone number is even less fucking helpful, when it was not much fucking help in the first place.
AND so is the their lack of forwarding on my inquiry to that dept, AND an intelligent response from that department....
They FAILED to respond to my calling them on their bullshit, which is so fucking typical for customer service from the people in Canon - and indeed - many "BIG" corporations.....
And then RATHER THAN the fucking retards actually DO something to get anything FIXED UP, these lazy cunts in the human relations dept - and their fucking idiot management of Canon - doing something else besides being useless cunts, instead of monitoring their OWN employees, and checking the emails to keep the people with an excellent attitude on the payroll, and to weed out the "dumb cunts" THEMSELVES, they then with NO offer of renumeration, reward, etc., for MY OWN expertise, time and effort, they then shift the ONUS on employee management onto me and other people, instead of doing it themselves.
IT'S YOUR fucking JOB - not mine - YOURS.
And it's a HUGE fuck you for doing this.
If there was EVER a sign of gross incompetence, and "people you should not hire" it's large groups of people who decide that the act of outsourcing their responsibilities onto the customer, is something the customer should be going along with.
Cunts the lot of you.
So I am not buying or using any more Canon products any more.
Like I am not a huge fan of people getting guns and going in and shooting up all the fucking idiots in their own work places...
But I can understand why some of them do it.
I am so glad that I am just an EX customer, who can tell all of you RETARDS in the Canon corporation, to get fucked and walk away...
10 dumb cunts in a row and I am going to keep right on playing fetch the bone, to get the information? I don't think so.
I will stop at the first one.
I will also say, that when this corporation with it's IDIOT human beings who compose the management, and it's idiot human beings who compose the human relations dept, and the idiot human beings who provide customer service, all end up going out of business,are unemployable and end up on the streets..
I hope you fucking useless cunts in the Canon corporation end up living in a box and having to eat dog shit off the foot path for christmas....
Fuck the lot of you.
End of ***
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And some week or two later - they sent me a "WE are going to pressure you, into complying with OUR demands" type email....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Canon U.S.A. Service & Support <canonusa@ecem1.com>
5:14 PM (15 hours ago)
Dear Fuck Face:
A few days ago, we sent to you an email offering you the opportunity to share your feedback with us about your experience when you emailed our Technical Support Center on 09/21/2015 regarding your Canon product.
Won’t you please take a few minutes to complete our brief survey? Just click the link below or copy and paste the address into your browser.
https://www.customersat3.com/e.asp?IID=B060848003F22A1A83CA6DC64C97A1323
Thank you for your feedback and for being a valued Canon customer.
Sincerely,
Service & Support
Canon U.S.A., Inc.
Please do not reply to this email unless you are having difficulties completing the survey.
If you need further technical assistance, contact Canon at (877) 287-7032.
-------- IMPORTANT NOTES ---------
* See Canon's Privacy Statement for more information.
* If you prefer not to receive survey invitations, please click here to opt out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soooooo I have to GO AND READ their fucking privacy statement...
Sure....
Every hour of every day, I am going to go and read another fucking privacy statement.
"Please do not reply to this email unless you are having difficulties completing the survey."
Yeah I replied, and for the SECOND TIME, I sent them a link to this page, and the second time NOT ONE FUCKING THING was done, by anyone, at all, in this useless shit box of a corporation...
"Please click here to opt out" - Well you dumb fucking cunts - I never chose to OPT IN....
In the first place - fucking arseholes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK I will give the customer satisfaction survey a thrashing - simply because they PISS ME OFF...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you for participating in this survey. Your feedback is valuable in our efforts to continually improve Canon's Service & Support.
Please consider only your email interaction with Canon's Representative, Dumfux, in your responses to this survey. If you were referred to one of our service programs during this interaction, you may receive a separate survey upon completion of the repair or replacement service.
Was the Representative able to provide a resolution to your issue, either in the email response or via referral to one of Canon's service programs, during your email on 9/21/2015? Please click on the "Continue" button below.
| 10% Completed |
Hmmmmm don't click on the questions - because like 10% completed for 2 questions = like 20 questions = 10 web pages = lots of my time and internet data - for doing a survey they don't pay me for, AND it's their job to be doing this; so I will just click on continue:
Was the Representative able to provide a resolution to your issue, either in the email response or via referral to one of Canon's service programs, during your email on 9/21/2015? Please respond to the highlighted question(s) above before continuing.
Ohhhhhhhh Nooooooooo didn't answer the questions and I clicked "Continue" ---
Oooooooohhhhhh CAN"T DO THAT!.
Which rephrased a little more accurately means, IF you do not fill in the questions that we create for you to answer, with the choice of answers we offer you, then you are not allowed to continue. To continue, we are going to make you answer our questions, our way. So do it.
a) I am not going to do your jobs for you.
b) Your service is fucking bullshit.
c) Your ALL brain dead corporate retards...
d) YOU trying to get away with arm twisting me, into answering YOUR questions, with YOUR answers, in YOUR survey - and when I choose, to ONLY answer the questions I want too, with the answers I want to provide - you fucking arseholes tell me I can't do that...
e) And this is after giving ONE fucking lazy arsed, idiotic piece of bullshit service AFTER another, AFTER another, AFTER another... etc...
f) So go fuck yourselves.
Because your SURVEY - like your retarded managers, human relations dept and the staff these dimwits hire, well you idiots have fucked up every opportunity to PROVIDE a service or product......
Every fucking time....
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Given that I really cannot see ANY good reason to get these otherwise excellent printers back to life - and spending the HUGE amounts of money to do so, IF the print heads are still available.
And if the print heads are still available and are actually being sold at a reasonable price, instead of the huge mark up to pay the wages of all the lazy dead shits working in Canon... I cannot see any good reason to actually resurrect them, and then keep them on life support by printing a page or two every 2 weeks just to keep fresh ink in the print heads, when I basically NEVER print anything ever, any more.
And given that my pox little laser printer, sits there, always ready to go and will do so, under it's plastic dust cover, probably for decades, and I can print 14,000 pages for $39 worth of toner... which at this rate of printing 50 pages per year and dropping, will last till armageddon.
And given that I and most other people NEVER print out letters to send to anyone else by post, there probably is not going to be much of a market for these second hand printers... and all the spares...
And given that the parts, kind of actually are not very good or suitable for stepper motor driven projects, and there really are no particularly useful parts in them for anything....
I mean if your going to actually make a NC or CNC router - you may as well bypass the "toy / model makers" scale of machining and go for something more industrial...
Otherwise you will be there running a Dremel style of engraver for 12 hours, doing what you could have done in 12 minutes with 1200W of router and heavier 3 axis driving equipment.
So given my horrendous aversion to wastefulness, it seems that I am in the position of actually having to throw these perfectly good printers out....
And the lazy cunts who work in Canon, from their retarded webforms onwards, their useless fucking staff and their shit for brains management - can go fuck themselves.
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