The IBM Model M Keyboard - The best board and the lamest service.

Yes - I am a die hard fan of the IBM Model M Keyboard.


I like BIG keyboards.

I like HEAVY keyboards.

I like LOUD keyboards.


And I like them to sound like a heavy calibre machine gun when I am typing on them.

IBM Model M Keyboard is the best keyboard in the world.

Guaranteed.

 So finally after many years of the old one getting lots of miles and my cheap skatedness begrudging the Fedex fee of ~$100 to send ONE board from the USA to here... at a price of about $80 per board...

The price of the freight really grates....

I really wanted to totally clean up and fully service my last IBM board... as it was feeling a little gritty in the slides, not heaps but I like them to run like watches.....

But I did a full dismantle and I am getting over the fucking floods that wiped the town out... I have just got so much to do.... and I had bits of board, and componentry, and no space to clean and reassemble them on... and lots of other things to do....

And I thought "This is just going nowhere.... I am snowed under and I have too much to do.... there is so many parts inside them and I really can't be fucked, assembling it, finding a few bugs, pulling it apart, making adjustments, reassembling it and so on and so forth...  - just go buy some NEW boards."

So I did my calculations on the boards, the general longevity, the cost of postage and the real needs...

I figured that if I bought 2 boards, and I keep them under cover when not in use, that means that I will have at least 20 to 30 years of use out of each board.

But experience, in the light of how much an individual board costs, AND the cost of the freight on top of it, that I should be allowing for failures and odd faults that can occur for assorted reasons.

Sometimes there are defects in manufacturing, an odd fault in some components may appear, or I could ruin it myself by dropping it in a big way or tripping on my way past, while carrying a pot full of soup, solvent or concentrated acid...

Given the cost of the freight AND the cost of a new board if the first one fails, , I figured that buying a  spare board, in light of the freight costs, as a worthwhile safeguard for my typing needs.

It also turns out to amortise the cost of the fright, by raising it slightly and spreading it across the two boards, so it comes to about $60 per board, instead of $100 per board.


So any I bought TWO of the 104 (key) classic boards, the standard shitty beige that I really like, and as they were out of the black boards with the black unlablelled keys, I bought a black board with the standard grey keys, AND a bag of spare unmarked keys for the 104 keyboard.


This is where we start to run into what a shitty operation it is that they run.

OK they SHOWED these boards on the site - click and buy... what you see is what you get - that kind of a contractural deal.

These pictures are not the exact correct model pictures - but again, the folks at Unicomp are running a pretty shitty website with bad photography for some models, as well as the wrong models - so these are the best pictures to demonstrate the keyboard layout - the board widths etc., are similar...


So what we are mainly looking at, is the bottom row of keys, from the left:

Left Control, Windoze,  Left Alt, Space Barr, Right Alt, Windoze, Print, Right Control.

 Notice the width of these keys too.

 

OK so the purchase was for these two (similar too) boards - and a replacement set of black keys, for THIS model 104 board... and a black cover for the LEDs.

I wanted a bog stock beige board and an all black unmarked board.

But what I got was THESE BOARDS.... Pay close attention to the bottom row of keys.

They are ordered like this:

Left Control, Windoze,  Left Alt, Space Barr,  Windoze, Right Alt, Print, Right Control.

The LEFT Windoze key, is a regular character key, and so is the Print key on the right - these are physically smaller keys, than the Alt, Clt and Windoze keys.

And the RIGHT Alt key is wider than the Right Windoze Key....


The RIGHT Alt key, is also wider on this style of board, that it is on the previous 104 keyboards.

And the space bar is a little bit narrower than on the earlier model 104 Keyboards.

So the folks at Unicomp, have made material changes to the 104 Keyboard layout.

This means that what they are advertising at the point of sale, is materially different to what they are sending you.

AND the replacement unmarked key set - well first off the set is for the OLD style 104 keyboards , and not the new 104's that they are sending out.

And because of the key design changes in the bottom row, the old style replacement key set is short TWO normal character size keys, and the right Alt key is missing.

The third major issue, is that because of the physical design changes in the board design, the space bar for the OLD 104's does not exactly fit in the NEW 104 boards.

It's close enough to fit in and then stay stuck down and just hit the row of keys above it... but it's a non functioning unit on the new board. It's the size 10 shoe on a size 12 foot.


So thanks to the people making the worlds best key board, it also turns out that they are also running one of the worlds most fucked up and out of date websites.

The picture quality varies between good enough and really fucking appallingly taken photos / a lack of cropping / hopeless camera angles etc., etc., etc.

Many of the pictures DO NOT match the actual boards being made for sale.

And the spares they are selling, are for the old boards - which they advertise as being the keyboards for sale, but the spare key sets, do not match the new boards - for the unmarked sets, they are short 2 character keys, one modern Alt Key and a new narrower space bar.

The disqualifier they launch at you when you nail them on these issues, is the PRODUCT ANNOUNCEMENT link - that does not actually look like a link, claims to tell you the facts in a PDF. They do this really stupid shit instead of updating their entire website AND getting the data tree right.

So they do this bit of fast talking bullshit, thinking it's a way out of their obligation to supply what is shown on the site, as the actual board that is for sale, instead of updating the actual pictures of "BUY THIS BOARD NOW", so that they match what is being shipped.

This is the reply:

"I'm sorry you are not satisfied with the keyboards you received. But the keyboards are exactly as advertised both on the Product Announcement screen 
( http://pckeyboard.com/mm5/graphics/ProductNews7-25-13.pdf ) and in the images shown on the order page for your keyboards. 

Also, we no longer have the components available to assemble the old style ( pre-July, 2013) keyboard. So there is no way to address your request for replacement keyboards.  Again, sorry for the confusion."

The keyboards advertised on the order page, are NOT the ones being shipped, and this guy can't even get his shit together to even check the webpage himself....

Well Fuck Me... "Oh Duh."

So I nailed this guy and his bullshit - by sending him the same pictures that come from his own website - the web pages and a close up with this...

Your website:

 What arrived:

Well the fight went on and on, because I made them take responsiblity for running such a shitty, disorganised and out of date website, and sending out different new boards...

They have said they are sending out the three new unmarked black keys, but after several emails, no word as yet on the space bar.....


 Overall - their site is fucking messy. It needs a real tidy up. Having people on staff there, try to bullshit their way out of it with "fucking idiotic" statements - not on.

After writing them a detailed report - the write up was, "Oh we have gone and fixed it all up now".

A week later - nothing has changed.



Same mixed quality pictures, from the shit to the passable, same wrong photos of the old board types, for the new board types, and the replacement key sets - they have fixed that up - but the descriptors are vague and there is no differentiation between what is an old board and a new board.....

Like it's SO badly done......


Their laziness and failure to grasp the basics of sales, and to have such a totally fucked up and out of date and out of synch with reality type website, means that they are dropping customers in shit of their own creation, and and doing fuck all to fix it up.

So the verdict.

The NEW boards are great. Terrific. Glad I bought them.

The sales team. The website. The bullshit they try on to avoid accountability for their own lax sales standards - total bullshit.

The issue of stupid Americans comes up all the time...

This is not to say that Americans have a monopoly on stupidity - Australians breed them like mad too....

But after seeing what a total shit hole their fucking sales department IS, and what a fucking hopeless job they are doing of it... and the endless email ping pong games needed just to fix things up - that is a direct result of what a shit hole operation it is that they run - I offered to help them fix it all up.

I also offered to help them really ramp up their totally fucking useless approach to international sales - to easily make 10X the sales they are currently making....

Do you know what their approach was to my offer to fix their site up and make MORE international sales?

They did absolutely fucking NOTHING.....

They sat on their fucking arses, and said nothing, did nothing, made no effort to contact me - nor did they escalate the issue to someone who would and could take up the offer...

I am thinking, "What a fucking waste of an offer - they have just pissed it away with their stupid American bullshit." - and the whole sales department is just running along as incompetently as ever.

This is like

"Wake up Unicomp - Your Sales Dept fucking sucks and is doing a SHIT job of it."




So if you are going to buy off them, make sure you sort it out in writing, exactly what it is that you will be getting, before you buy it, and get it in writing, before you buy anything.

It's a shame that such a brilliant board is sold by a sales team that does such a shit job of it.

Really.

I don't care much for the sales dept.... the shoddy operation they are running...

But I do think that if Unicomp went out of business - the world would be a far worse place without these keyboards.


These are the BEST keyboards in the world and they are being undersold and minimally distributed, by a sales team that just don't fucking get it.

Sloppy and apathetic - doesn't cut it.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The follow up...

I think Unicomp - and their sales department have got to be - not the slackest / laziest / worst customer service ever.....

Pretty fucking shit - would be a good description.

They still have not fixed up the order they fucked up - despite like 20 emails to them...

This is the most recent salvo:

Hiiiii you have sent me out the wrong keyset for the wrong board and it's all your fault.

And aside from the actual keys that almost all fitted - the 3 or 4 replacement keys don't fit and you have not sent me out a replacement space bar either - as the spare black one, did not fit the new design keyboard

This comes down to the 104 Keyboard, having changed the postiton of the right Alt and Windoze keys, and your sending out a replacement set of black unmarked keys that were for the previous design of boards.

This overall must have taken me like 10 hours and 20 emails and it's not a very good look for your company.

Can you sent me the FULL keyset - in black, with the replaceable keycaps on them, AND the right BLACK space bar for this board.

http://pckeyboard.com/page/Classic/UB4044A

Thanks

This achieved nothing more than the usual "SOLVED" remark on their webform - which is their method of reply.

 So I added some more...


I note that there is only the missing keys, that compose the shortage
of keys in the replacement keyset, that are for the OLD 104 classics
and the new 104 classics.

I also require a black space bar, to fit the NEW 104 classic, as the
old style 104 classic space bar keys do not fit.

Despite the many difficulties with the website and ordering and
requests to fix these issues, up, the sending of the NEW black space
bar, for the NEW 104 classic boards - has not actually been mentioned.
Can you organise this for me thankyou.
Regards

 We do not have, nor will we ever have, a black spacebar to fit the new 104-key Classic.
Regards,
PC Keyboard
http://www.pckeyboard.com


You people fucked up the 2/3rds of the order with your shitty sales department and doing a really bad crap job on the website.
That is YOUR responsibility for doing that and the actions that flow on from that....
Showing the OLD keyboard as being THE one for sale and then sending out the newer model - that the spare BLACK keyset and the BLACK spacebar - that I purchased for it - didn't fit....
a) And what about the keysets??????? You have NOT answered that question.
b) The space bar - well get a white one that does fit - and paint it.
And then send them too me.
Thank you.

Message:

It is our policy to disregard support inquiries that contain profanity. However, I have made an exception.

Your method of payment has been credited $23 for the button set and spacebar you purchased on Order # 60024.

If you would like to return your keyboard(s) at your expense for the refund of the purchase price of $79 each less a $5 restocking fee each, please advise. I will issue you an RMA.

I actually meant to mark your reply as unhelpful....

Yes go spend another $120 freight on $170 worth of keyboards.

That would put me out of pocket by $240... and for what?

You really are a dumb cunt.

That is DUMB as a stupid person and CUNT as in a shit head to deal with.

I want a FULL SET of black keys.

Send me out a full set for the MODREN 104's and I will spray them myself - like the 2 boards that I was delivered - instead of the ones I purchased - because the lazy morons in your shitty company had failed to update the website some 6 months after putting them on the market...

(actually given what a pack of thieves Australia Post is, and I'd probably be best using FEDEX - Well Australia Post would probably cost like $350 to send them back....)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Useless cunts would be an understatement.

They have no fucking idea on how to market globally - I offered to help.. they have ignored that... many a time.

Their website was a total shithole of ineptness and many things, like

a) The 104 Keyboards were changed in July 2012 - and 6 months later they are still selling the new design 104's using the previous models photograph.

b) All the parts for the OLD 104 were up for sale - and NONE of them fitted the new board design. (not in it's entirity)

And they didn't tell you that either.

e) Their website was a fucking mess - with loads of badly taken photographs - by congential idiots...., bad angles, bad centering, bad lighting, and the wrong models etc..

f) The website as a series of information flow paths - with links and descriptions - was up shit creek.....

I offered to help them fix it up - ignored.

g) Because I am such a brilliant industrial designer, I offered to add some modifications to the original boards, that would essentially mean that the boards would have 50+ year life spans...

Ignored....


All MY IDEAS - Offers of assistance - ignored...

Requests for payment - like 10 boards or what ever, and a percentage of sales from the increased sales from the time that the improvements were implemented - ignored....


And they have ONLY tided up their bullshit website as a result of my exposing their crap to them and the whole world - it was then and only then that they acted...

Like "OH no we can't tarnish out idiot image, that we have been running on for the last 20 fucking years.... - better hurry and fix it up by using MY ideas..."

And no thanks at any stage...


And the fucking lame brain arseholes - still won't do any thing to fix up their botched up sales either....


This is an idea of how fucking slack these cunts at Unicomp are.


I deal with electronics companies that have LIVE stock levels, listed in all of their stores....  They can tell me exactly how many of what product are sitting at which store.... and they have thousands and thousands of products.

With Unicomp - we are not talking about an inventory of 125,000 different products...

There is only like 10 versions of the same product.... with or without a PS2 or a USB connector, or the old style ATX (?) connector..

We are talking about 10 different variations of a keyboard design - and they are so fucking stupid and so fucking lazy that they cannot even keep that sorted out and up to date on their own website?????

Model X stopped being in production in July 2012, and they start making Model Y - and their website is still showing Model X as THE model that you are buying, from their website, 6 months later.

When you do go and buy Model X - they deliver Model Y

 This is how much of a pack of dumb cunts - they REALLY are.

And if I had not of PUSHED these issues down their throats, they would still be doing it....

They are THAT fucking stupid.

The keyboard designs are not UNICOMP - they are the for the most part - the old  IBM plastic injection moulding dies are still in use on the 101 boards.

Duhhhhhhh....

These have to be some of the laziest cunts I have ever done business with.

Fuck I hope someone in China copies the 104 design and makes it so good at 1/2 the price - and puts these lazy, greedy, stupid fucks out of business.


In terms of quality - these boards ARE good boards... the best in the world.

They could do with SOME improvement - to the standard design.

It's due mostly to a combination of things, the REAL mechanical switches, the weight, and the dust shielding - a sensible design - not a brilliant design...

Not as good as my keyboard design....

The basics were sorted out in 1982 (I think it was)....


But their sales deparment is filled lazy arseholes and idiots.

And the managers are a bunch of dumb fucks.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a compendium of the sort of people you have to deal with in the USA, and most definitely in Unicomp...

It's not that the US & A has a monopoly on being dumb fucks - I mean Australia is a shit hole of fucking morons too.

 The computer technician in the computer dept in Harvey Norman...

Q: "Hi I am after a Brand X - Model Y - EXTERNAL hard drive case".

The correct answer is: "We do / don't stock them, and we currently do / do not have them in stock and or we can / cannot get them in for you - and this is how much they cost."

The moron replied: 

A: "What did you want it for?"


So I picked his brain a little over that one.

The guy - the computer technician person, actually thought that you put a hard drive, into an EXTERNAL hard drive case, so you can then mount it INSIDE your computer......


Arrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK....

In terms of fucking stupid - that ranks up there with:

"The CD won't fit into the (floppy disk) drive (slot)."



There was a sales and spares column in a motorbike magazine I came across many decades ago, where people discussed the dumb fuck customer of the week...

This one has stuck in my mind as it's funny to redo onto others...

Woman rings the spares dept at a motor bike shop:

She says, "My husband asked me to ring you and get some parts for his motorbike."

Service Dept Guy, "And what sort of motorbike is it?"

Woman, "It's a red one."

(When that is done as a joke - it's fucking funny....)


So there is no shortage of fuckwits in Australia - it's just at Unicomp - the management and sales dept are a condensed collective of stupid, lazy fucking people,.....

And this kind of sums them up. 

Why people think Americans are stupid

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0RH0cYs4lw

Watch out for when the interviewer asks,  "How many sides in a triangle" and "Do you know what KFC stands for?" - "Yeah - Kentucky Fried Chicken"

"Do you know here does KFC come from?" - "Uhh I dunno?"

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill Maher, makes his point how dumb,ignorant and uneducated the majority of Americans are.And backs it up with facts. The ones who dislike and hate Bill Maher, are the same people who belong to that category of ignorant, embarrassing dummies. Thank You for watching!

SUPPORTING BILL MAHER!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fys3MsKMpms
 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim Jefferies - On dumb Americans

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLuBA66xc0c 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every time I  run across severe dumb fucks I start to sing this sone quietly to myself...

"California's got he most - yeah - at every business on the coast."



 Flakes - by Frank Zappa.......

Flakes! flakes!
Flakes! flakes!

They don't do no good
They never be workin'
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They're wastin' mine

California's got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them

Swear t'god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'god they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the flakes

Flakes! flakes!

They can't fix yer brakes
You ask 'em, "where's my motor? "
"well, it was eaten by snakes..."
You can stab 'n' shoot 'n' spit
But they won't be fixin' it
They're lyin' an' lazy
They can be drivin' you crazy

Swear t'god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'god they got the most
At every business on the coast

Take it away, bob...

I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by friday
Well, them whole damn weekend
Came 'n' went, frankie
Wanna buy some mandies, bob?
'n' they didn't do nothin'
But they charged me double for sunday

You know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat 'n' rob you
Then they'll send you a bill
That'll get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
'til your head'll go through th' ceilin'
Yes it will!

I'm a moron, 'n' this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n' breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some flakes
They rush on over
'n' wreck it some more
'n' we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door

Well, the toilet went crazy
Yersterday afternoon
The plumber he says
Never flush a tampoon!
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day-ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
Woo-ooo

We are millions 'n' millions,
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you
Can't escape the conclusion
It's probably god's will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin',
Yer puppy is crappin'
You might call us flakes
Or something else you might coin us
But we know you're so greedy
That you'll probably join us

We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you...