Fuck Kogan and Vodaphone.
Kogan, Kogan, Kogan.....
The Jolly J2 Samsung, running Android.
Afflicted with Google and Microsofts Shit-Ware.
You know, Gmail without an OFF button.
Lose the phone with the application open - and unable to be closed - immediate access into your entire account.
Smart Move Arseholes.
And Microsoft - the scummiest bit of software manufacturing ever to foist their unfortunate crapware on the planet.
Like What The Fuck is with that. Use your phone as a word processor and load it all up on our CLOUD....
Oh Awesome. Like climbing out on a branch and sawing of the tree side of it.
Great until it breaks.
Anyway, get the phone, Kudos Toll Freight.
But there is nothing at all in the way of instructions for the phone. There is a tiny little pamphlet - but that is in in Korean.
So this is about my 3rd or 4th Samsung phone, running Android in 12 or more (?) years, so I pretty much figure that I have this "getting the phone going" stitched up by now.
Turns out I can't use the phone, with the SIM card, to get on the net to register the account.
Kudos for that.
And I can't call Kogan (Vodaohone's foreign call centre, or it may be in Australia, staffed by bottom dollar foreign staff), because the phone, with it's NEW SIM, doesn't make calls.
So I pull out the phone I am hoping to retire as a spare, and call Kogans customer help line.
And I get some dumb fuck of an arrogantly stupid woman from India, who when I state the phone is defective, I am unable to make calls, or get on the internet and I am unable to register the phone and phone account, comes back at me, she says "Are you having a problem with your account are you?"
"Noooo I can't get on line with this phone, and I can't make calls with this phone, to establish the account."
So she shoots back, "Are you having a problem with with your account are you?"
Can't use the New Phone to call you (or anyone else) or get on the internet, to establish the account; does NOT equal fucking around WITH the account.
You know, you have to be able to communicate, and to establish the account, to be able to fuck with the account.
I am not able to get past the issue of communication, either when trying to use the phone, or even with her.
I promptly see the go fuck yourself attitude, and I tell her to fuck off.
Soooooooo after going on line with the other phone, and registering the phone account with all the SIM numbers and shit, "Viola!" we have a pulse.
I get the internet of things working, but the phone - it will call 000 (3 second test call) but it won't call the Kogan Help line, or any other number.
Dial the number, < 2 seconds of dial time, the call is dropped..... every time, every number.
On all the variety of settings - that are the default setting on all the other Samsung phones and on a variety or networks. (trying the extremely limited combination, mostly out of desperation and frustration).
So after some 9 hours of unpaid for labour, trying to get this shit fixed up....
I email the customer service centre with the point blank proposistion which was essentially this.
- "There is a fault here - the issues of connectivity and registration and piss poor customer service, if you don't get back to me within 24 hours - I will shit can the issue."
And I get Raj calling me back the next day.
OK Now I have a file and there is a log of all interactions...
It contains my email address, my phone number, and my name and residential address....
And he calls me back on my phone number, the same one used to establish the account and was involved in shipping the phone too, and to get the SIM card / new phone account registered on...
Raj didn't get the file, and examine it first before calling me.
He just calls me, expects me to fill in all the blanks for him, and maybe he might correlate all the information later.... and it's about the same "go getter" attitude with the technology problem.
The first issue is I nail him for coming to the phone without prepping for the call, and for him to expect me to fill in all the blanks for him, that he should have gotten, before calling, so he can compare what I say, with what is on file.... in real time.
Then he tries on this bullshit of expecting me to play the 72 security questions, to verify who I am.
OK I buy a phone and SIM card... I need a name, address, phone number and email address to do this.
I register the SIM card online, using another phone - using my name, adress, phone number and email address.
And he is calling me using my name, back on my phone number, from a complaint that was lodged on their website, using the already established ID, like name, phone number, and domestic address, email address.....
And he refuses to go straight into the matter of resolving the technical issues, with the phone that they sold me, that does not make phone calls...
Because I refuse to play along with all the bullshit 72 questions, including giving him my account PIN number...
Duh.
So I call this guy on his bullshit - the lack of precall preparation and the idiot security issue..
And then hang up on him....
And this lying fuck turns around and emails me this:
Raj (Kogan Mobile Help Centre)
22 Mar., 11:53 AEDT
Hi,
We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
We tried contacting you as per your request to assist you, but were unable to complete the conversation.
For any further assistance you can contact us on 12612 from your Kogan mobile or 1300 056 426 from any other phone (Monday to Sunday 8am to 8pm AEST)
Kindest regards,
Raj
Raj
Well Good Oh Einstein!
Pretty much every retarded fuck in any foreign call centre Tech Support / Customer Service, says the "Have you tried switching it off and turning it back on again?" mantra....
Like I don't want to punch them in the face over this, but the dumb fuck crap is hard to wear...
"Hi my phone has caught fire!" ----- "Have you tried switching it off, and turning it back on again?"
😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣😣
Jesus - FUCK!!!!!
And secondly I never gave him my fucking PIN number, so I could not have given him the wrong one....
So to get all the issues lined up.
I finally sort out the problems.
I have gone from being a consumer who buys a product, to being a consumer with a problem, to being the manager of my own Information Technology Dept - and I intends to be paid for my doing the work that is the responsibility of others, to have sorted out, before the phone was ever put on the market.
They get paid to have it sorted, so it all works, when I get it. And unless the morons running Kogan or any other company, expect me to be paid for sort it out after I get it, I intend to get paid for my efforts.
The MORON management of Kogan, don't insist on being shipped with INSTRUCTIONS in english....
I mean with Korean, there is NO numbering used to ID the card slots... No 1. or 2. on the instructions, because the Korean 1. and 2. are different characters....
The is no basic reinterpetation to be made....
So this is fucking bullshit.
The phone and phone account cannot be registered online or by phone, on the phone, because it's not set up that way.....
This is bullshit and the phone appears to be broken.
The customer service is CRAP - provided by brain dead fucking idiots.
So after about 9 solid hours of hard work I did a charge back for the "broken phone"...
The phone, it's fucked - it doesn't work - I want my money back - my tolerance for shit has run out and it can sit there on the book shelf and gather dust for eternity.
But I had timed it, so that my previous phone account would be trickling on the last few $$$ of credit, and I could port it over to Kogan....
But something in "My Force" said NO.... use the wing walkers guide to do this issue, "Only let hold of Strut A, when you have a firm grip on Strut B""
I decided to get the phone working, and then the phone / internet account established, AND then port it the number over.
Or, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
And I am glad that I did.
Because it would have mean that had I of not kept my options open, I would have been trotting into and out of town, to make 1300 calls, from a payphone, to a call centre full of fucking retards, who can't fix fuck all = no phone, endless bullshit from the customer service, and everything grinds to a halt, and nothing but a huge amount of my time and resources gets wasted.....
Sooooooo after a good night sleep, consorting with night devils etc.. I woke up with much inspiration.
Swap the SIM cards from the OLD phone and current provider, to the Kogan phone and vis. versa.
Hmmmmm a totally reproducable problem.
My old phone gave internet, and no calls, and the Kogan phone gave internet and calls....
QED:
As the manager of my own Internet Technology department it comes down to this.
The chip foundry that makes the SIM cards, produced a defective SIM card, and their testing procedures failed to pick it up, and reject it.
The drop ship retailer, Kogan shipped it in good faith, to me the consumer, with the expectation that it would work fresh from the pack as described.
Unfortunately the phone / internet service can't be registered - without a different phone and internet account, their customer service is run by fucking idiots, the phone by and of it's self, with the Kogan SIM card doesn't work, and it's taken about 11 hours of my time to get it all sorted out.
Are they, the clueless buck passing call center staff of Kogan going to accept the bill for my wages, fixing their shit up - well no.
They can't get a phone account and defective phone sorted out and working, so this is not going to be in their scripted crap speak list of things to say.
And if they were even remotely capable of sorting this shit out and dealing with it, are they going to send the cost for my time, back to the chip / SIM card manufacturer?
No fucking way.
The cost of the phone, the cost of the phone shipping and the cost of the phone account ~ $280
The charge back stands and thanks for the ability to EARN my own phone, I am taking the refund in lieu of wages.
The result.
I used up the data on the SIM card I bought, and then bought a NEW working SIM card - well I hope it works....
I am not prepared to take shit from idiots that costs me my time, for being alive, on fixing up their crap and them getting away with it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the final thing.
Yes I hate ADVERTISING - not so the advertising that says, we sell / do / provide., on their website, sinage or in the shop windows etc...
But the arseholes who run Kogan, have a real attitude problem with their own ADVERTISING.
Not only do they advertise SHIT LOADS of shit on their own websites, like you search very specifically for ONE thing and they deliver 500 vaguely connected results - like "Blender" returns non only Blender, at the 27th page at the back of the list, but it also returns every fucking thing that goes in the kitchen, belongs in the electronics category, white goods category, on specials / hot deals category, the "other things you may be interested in" category etc...
Like FUCK - have you dumb fucking cunts NEVER heard of "Don't waste my fucking time with your bullshit?" - Or "Get to the fucking point!" Or "I want a yes or no answer to a yes or no question - and not 10 minutes of long winded fucking crap".
And the web pages for specific products, also have adds in them for lots and lots and lots of other products.
And if you sign up to buy ONE item, they also regard this as consent to receiving endless fucking spammy advertising emails from them - daily, if not more......
I am a person who regards himself, as only being legitimately interested in advertising, when I am actually looking for a service or product... and pretty much at NO other time.
A week of this shit - of the people at Kogan disrespecting OUR relationship by their high pressure sales tactics via email = unsubscribe.
Please tell us why you chose to unsubscribe
Because your cunts.
Just because I sign up to buy something, doesn't give you an implied right to continue the relationship, by not only putting adds within your adds on the website, but sending me endless promotions (hard pressure sales tactics) , when I never asked for them.
So fuck off.
The Automated Crap Fest of a Response:
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(And I fucking hate being fed bullshit too - because being lied too in a patronising way, rubs me up the wrong way as well.)
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