Nagging is a bad thing.

My bank nags me.

This pisses me off.

When I ring them up to fiddle with the finances, they insist on telling me each and every fucking time, that I can go on line to do this.....

Wow awesome.

You mean that I as a techno savvy child of the space age, and has established a successful history of doing online account related undertakings, needs to be told  that I can do the nature of the inquiry online - which is a euphamism, for lowering OUR costs, by fucking you off the phone line, and getting you to do it all yourself.

And it never occurs to THEM, that the reason your actually calling them on the phone to do this account related shit, is because one is probably no where near a secure computer, or ones admirably small phone, is a fucking prick to to anything other than the bare essential internet things on... and that is all that is available at the moment.

And they keep fucking NAGGING me - every time I call up, "Are you aware you can do this online... blah, blah, blah..." instead of getting straight to what I wanted to do, in the first place....

So I can shout at them most assertively, "Lets get back to the reason I called, and skip the (fucking) DIY sales pitch".

I thought about the art of the oblique insult - for example. "I gather that comprehension wasn't one of your stronger subjects?" and I thought about expanding this into the fine art of the tactful mind fuck head games.

Rather than get pissy at the never ending "loops of drone", I reckon I could say, "Oh thank you for telling me that, we will get back to that in a minute, where you can guide me through the whole thing..."

And after getting through the reason for the phone call, we can start on the internet of things...

Commencing with learning how to turn a computer on.....


I think this issue and phone call, could be dragged out for fucking hours, each and every time....

Seated in front of the computer, in the "Thinking of the shopping list, while fucking mode", blithely rolling out silly comments, pointless assertions and a confusion of operating system code, technical issues such as the DVD player IS working and how should I fix that?,  and horrendous amounts of technically complex issues....

I mean this is just to get the PC turned on and running - which is about 6 months short of intensive training to even figure out what the internets is.

I know that I could probably derail the entire department

If you can jam a broom stick through the front spokes with impunity, why stop there., when you can jam a telegraph pole through all the spokes of all the wheels - thus derailing the entire operation.

The object being to fuck with as many of the call centre staff as necessary, to get all your calls ONLY handled by their mangy call centre supervisors, and once they have all been driven completely mental - to get the manager to suicide by jumping off their office ledge after closing time, thus saving the bank money.


People really only ever ought to be asked some questions once.

"Do you know how to do these things on the internet, and if you don't would you like me to help you with it?"

Duh. Problem solved. Flag the account. "Never ask the question again."